Let, First Serve

"...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling anyone or anything.

But the plans were on display...

On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.

That's the display department.

With a torch.

Ah, well the lights had probably gone.

So had the stairs.

But, look, you found the notice didn't you?

Yes, yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The Leopard"."

Love that book.

Okay so camp was today. And yesterday. And the day before yesterday. Basically the only thing I'm any good at is ping-pong. I have a rivalry with one of my friends.

Camp friend. Not friend... friend.

You know.

Anyway yesterday I beat him but today he beat me. So yeah... we're pretty evenly matched.

Okay so here's my problem with Xanga Lock. People say it helps protect them (it doesn't, it's definitely just an inconvenience). If you're that paranoid, why do you keep the name of your SCHOOL posted on your Xanga. It's so stupid. It's like if someone wanted to protect their house so they poked some toothpicks in the ground as a wall, and then left their door unlocked.

I don't know how my title relates. I just thought it was cool.

This is post number 180.

The Lost Lyrics

There are a couple versions of the song "Hallelujah". This was a verse that I thought was cool but we didn't do.

"I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool ya'
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah"

Just a cool song.

Envelope, please

Yes that's right. The winner of my contest, the "contest" contest, is...

Envelope, please...

Abby! Congratulations to Abby for winning. Her contest involves me giving you an odd problem and you solving it. So, as LOTW was on a Saturday, this is on a Saturday. I don't know what your prize is yet, but I'll think of one.

Problem #1: You are walking along the beach with your dog when you see a paparazzi taking pictures of you. The flash blinds you, and you stumble and fall. Immediately to are set upon by an army of crabs. Your objective is twofold:

1. Escape from the crabs
   
2. Get the film from the paparazzi

The beach has no rocks on it, but sand is something you can use. You are wearing a bathing suit and a white cotton shirt as well as flip-flops. You have 90 cents in change in your pocket as well as a plastic bag. You also have your dog who is also being attacked by crabs.

Good luck.

Score!

Check this out: Snakes on a Plane Teaser Trailer!

Middle School Musical

First off: I apologize for the arguement. Clearly it makes for boring blog material.

I am hereby marking the beginning of my musical writing career. I don't care who says I took the idea from them or who opposes or says anything about it. I am officially starting progress on a project called "Middle School Musical". I am writing a musical about Middle School, and I feel now that I have just finished it would be an appropriate time.

So here's the deal: I feel it would be the most efficient (and fun) to make it a collaborative project. Anyone who wants to join, comment now. We, together, will make a storyline, find places where songs would fit, and write them. Performing it is not part of the process. If you volunteer I will expect you to put in time. I will assign you a job and a due date and if it's not done I will be firing you, or at least be mad.

So volunteer through comment or email! Feel free to join even if you are not in our school or in Middle School at all.

Life?

Ha. Don't talk to me about "life".

Sri: I could go through your comment point by point, underlining each mistake you made (and, oh, there were many) and talking about how you were wrong. But I won't stoop to that level. I will only mention two of the most obvious answers. One: If I think my daily ironies are beginning to lack quality and you think my blog is "beginning to suck", you can't say that we "agree, end of story". That's just wrong. And second: Saying my blog is beginning to suck is also not advice. It's simply an insult.

So many more things. So many. I will content myself my envisioning myself as king of the world, ruling over all of you pathetic mortals.

Someday...

So Long and Thanks for all the Fish

Okay. Thank you, Sri. For this is why I love my commenters.

The people have spoken. You have continued to comment on how you don't like my new blog idea. So I have officially changed my blog from "I Heart Irony" to a simple tribute to Douglas Adams: "Mostly Harmless". I would like you to know that there are absolutely no hard feelings and I appreciate the criticism. I felt I was slipping in the whole blog idea, and I feel this suits me better. But just one more for the road:

Daily Irony: Sri used the phrase "no offense" to follow "your posts are beginning to suck". Umm, why yes Sri. I do take offense to the fact that you are telling me my posts suck.

Sri, your blogs were moronic. You deleted the first one for no discernable reason, and your second was stupid. Its posts were rambling and stupid, and had no apparent subject. Your jokes were terrible and your contest had one person to enter. You were an embarrasment to blogs everywhere. You were arrogant enough to have a URL of "srigenius.blogspot.com" which was an irony in itself because your posts reflected no genius, or in fact intelligence at all. The only reason your blog was any good is the fact that you had it for a blissfully short amount of time (12 days).

Sorry. Just blowing off some steam there.

Also I'm reverting back to my old color scheme. And my post titles (as they do now) will reflect my title.

Okay... got to go now. Have to fix my blog.

And then there were 3...

If something is wrong with this post, ignore it. I'm trying to blog by the reflection on the back or the CD that's in front of me. For some reason I thought it would be funny.

Turns out it wasn't.

I feel that my daily ironies are lacking in quality. Ah, well.

Daily irony: Adolph Coors III was the heir to the Coors Beer fortune. He was allergic to beer.

Hmm.

Oh well.

So I'm in "Guys and Dolls, Jr." as Nicely-Nicely, and I just found out that the performances are at the same time as MARCHING BAND! BAH!

So I don't know what to do. Because I really want to be in this play if not only because I want to go to the practices (friends are there... it'll be fun) and not even perform. And I'll only miss

Oh my god! LADYBUGS ARE ATTACKING ME! It's on my arm. Get it off! GET IT OFF!

Okay. Phew.

Anyway I'll only miss 2 marching band performances vs. missing all of the practices and the performance to the play.

It's like the difference between my summer being fun or not.

Not that I would think about missing marching band, Susan. And I like the Sherlock joke. But I don't get the cherry one. Maybe something with the word "pit"? Armpit? Nah. I'd go with the Sherlock one.

Okay.

I sleep now.

New Contest

Daily Irony: People cut themselves to ease pain. WTF?!?

What the frankfurter?

Heh heh. Love it.

This is it. My new contest. More clever than ever before. It's called "Contest".

You design a contest. Its guidelines are simple: It must be completed easily (i.e. within 5-10 minutes), it must be entertaining both to enter and to look at the entries (so beneficial to the contestant and the person looking at their entries), and it must be something I can do weekly. Something like LOTW: simple, fun, and easy to do weekly. It can also have no biases. It can require no skill that the majority of people don't have.

Okay... I'm done now. Feel free to comment your entry or email it to me. Winner will be chosen in maybe a week or so.

It seems a shame,

The walrus said, to play them such a trick.
After we've made them run so far,
And made them trot so quick.
The carpenter said nothing but,
"This butter's spread to thick".

Daily Irony: A lie to spare someone's feelings often can result in this person being taunted (i.e. saying someone looks good in a hideous dress. Later they might be made fun of because of it).

I'm really kind of running out of those.

The poem is called "The Walrus and the Carpenter" by Lewis Carroll (also the author of Alice in Wonderland). You can read the rest here. It seems odd that Disney ruined those books. They combined the two books he wrote: Alice and Through the Looking Glass. It's seems a shame.

So Sandy Hill was interesting. I thought I'd have more trouble getting to sleep but it really wasn't a problem. Then there was that dance at CHS. It was like VF's except more people making fun of me. Mike N. was sitting at a table looking depressed so I sat down next to him and also looked depressed. Then Tim and some more people joined us.

Soon Maddie came over and said "You guys look so depressed!". It was so funny.

Moving on...

I hate Xanga Lock! It's so stupid! It prevents people that aren't logged in from getting to a certain Xanga. UGH! What's the point? Is the theory that stalkers are too lazy to get a Xanga account? How does it protect you? WAKE UP, PEOPLE!

Moving on some more...

Dain and I made up a word: Shna (pronounced "shnah"). It is a noun (i.e. "He's such a shna!") that means that the person thinks maturity means talking about the physical appearances of girls in a crude and annoying manner. We were eating lunch at Sandy Hill and Seb K. was in my cabin and was being a shna. I think it's funny that he thinks that is maturity and therefore it will get him a girlfriend, yet more people in our social group have a boyfriend/girlfriend. The adjective is "Shnay", and the verb form is "Shning".

I hate shnas.

Okay then... I think I'm done.

So the summary is:

Sandy Hill was fun.
Dance was stupid.
Xanga Lock is moronic.
Shnas are annoying.

My Sign-Off

Daily Irony: A surgeon is operating very carefully on his patient. He then has a stroke and falls onto his patient, thus killing him.

I need an email sign-off. Please vote between these:

Irony is my passion.
I live it, I breathe it, I feel it.
May it torture you always.

Sam

Irony of Fate is my hobby.

Ludwig van Beethoven was deaf.
Adolph Coors was allergic to beer.
The President of WHO died because he needed brain surgery.

I hope something happens to you.

Sam

Irony of Fate is a passion.

I live it. I breathe it.

I Heart Irony.

Sam

Okay... I won't post tomorrow. So bye now.

Ugh

THIS IS LIKE MY EIGHTH POST! MY BLOG REFUSES TO UPDATE!

I'M SO MAD!

Daily Irony: People often rush through videogame levels. They are careless mess up, and consequently it takes longer.

I'm 68% cynical.

Coolest Site(s) Ever

Daily Irony- The song "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette has almost nothing to do with irony in itself.

That's a bit ironic. And also our English teacher used it as a song portraying irony. Clearly she's never read my blog. Which at that point wasn't about irony. So clearly she never read my blog in the future when she taught that song...

That's the worst thing about time travel: verb tenses. I need Douglas Adams to help.

Okay... so two really cool sites.

1. First, if you're into making fun of videogames: Battlefield 2: The PWN3D Life (by the way I did a post on this game a while ago). Also: lots of swearing and some pretending to have sex (no nudity; they're all clothed. But they're like jumping around. It's sooooooo funny).
   
2. For the wimps (whimps?) here, try artpad. I seriously reccomending replaying your paintings.

Okay well that's it. See ya.

Hershey

Probably not the only person blogging about this today, but whatever. First...

Daily Irony- Jimmy was on the bus but Ms. B didn't know he was there. He ran off to tell someone he was on the bus. Then we lost him. So in an attempt to be found, he got lost.

Okay... Here is a timeline without actual times. Approximations of time on occasion. This is like twenty-four hours. Starting last night at...

9:30- I begin getting ready for my trip. I fill my bag with a change of clothes, find my blue tie, etc.

10:15- I get in bed. I don't get to sleep until 10:45 or later.

5:00 AM- I wake up. I try to go back to sleep but I can't. Too excited.

5:43 AM- I get up. I get ready to go, and I'm ready by 6. I play videogames for about 15 minutes. We're ready to go then.

6:30ish- I get to school. I hang out with my friends, throwing sticks at wasps' nests, until we're ready to go.

6:45?- We leave. The bus ride is great: Mafia, movie and all. Fun fun.

IDK- We get to the choral adjudication thing. We sing our songs, and leave. We hang out while the girls change, then we change (apparently dana was in the bathroom) and head off to the park.

10:30ish?- We get to the park. We go right to Great Bear. That's fun (just so that you can make fun of me: i sat with emilyn on all the rides. that was nice). Then we go to Comet.

Comet was COMPLETELY INSANE. First you have to know the restraints: an airplane type seatbelt that you pull up to release, and a bar that sits about 3 inches above my thigh and I could easily slip out of. Okay, so we're going up this steep slope and emilyn tells me i have my glasses on. I fold them up and put them in my velcro pocket, and as I pull my hands back up to the bar they brush against my seat buckle and unbuckle it! I say to emilyn (more out of shock than anything), "I unbuckled my seatbelt". She says "What?!?". And I begin to realize what's happening and I say, "I'm not buckled in". So now I'm freaking out because I can't buckle myself in without letting go of the bar which will most likely result in my untimely death, so I'm clutching it with all my strength and Emilyn's grabbing me and we're both totally flipping out. But long-story short I make it. And that was very traumatic.

We do some more coasters and get lunch (mine is gross so i end up eating other people's) and yeah...

Let's see...

Important Stuff after that...

Some people budge in front of us on line. This leads to an all-out war, though my friends are not wanting to be involved.

Our group (Me, Emilyn, Jeff, Jeff, Tim, Katie, Frances, Emily, and Dana. Crap. Am I forgetting someone? Was Kelly there? Whatever) split up for a while when Maddie, Tim, and Katie left. We saw them in line for Comet so we got on line and Emilyn ran up to talk to them and tried to take me and I thought she was trying to get in line with them which I am very opposed to. So I didn't go with her. And the girl in front of us said "Go with her! Why aren't you following her? I think she likes you". And then there was a little silence and then I said, "She's my girlfriend". That was funny. Her name was Claudia and she was from Langston Hughes Middle School outside of D.C.

Okay... more stuff happened but I don't talk about my personal life too much and I've already done it alot so...

THE END

Drat!

Daily Irony- You get a phone to call people in the event of an emergency. You carry it around everywhere. When you go skiing, you put the phone in your pocket. It gets caught on a tree, and you fall down and slam into a rock. You are in agony, unable to move, blood everywhere. You can do nothing but watch helplessly as your phone slides down the hill...

Ouch. The irony is that the phone is for an emergency, yet it caused an emergency.

Okay so here's my drat: Tim says my blog is losing steam. It's really not. In fact now I'm going to write a story. Sorry for my obvious copying of Jeff in this idea.

Once there was a handsome young boy named Allan. Allan was very happy in his town of Fishkill, NY. One day Allan and his girlfriend, Teresa, were walking in the woods. It was a very pretty day. On passing a creek, Allan decided that he would hold Teresa's hand. Upon reaching for her hand, Allan realized that Teresa was gone. He turned around and saw that Teresa was looking at a tree.

Allan walked over to the tree and looked at Teresa. For some reason he decided that now would be a good time to kiss her. He leaned over to kiss her but missed, and instead kissed the tree. Allan was a bit dissapointed. He then saw that Teresa had farther back to look at some flowers.

Allan walked to her and had another idea. He figured that he would put his arm around Teresa's neck to rest it there in that weird thing that boyfriend's do to claim ownership of their mate. After staring at the flowers for a time to work out the presise logistics of the manuever, he reached to put his arm around his girlfriend, but missed and instead punched her in the face. He was very embarrased. He turned to apologize when he realized that he had punched a stranger, and that Teresa was on the path in front of him. He looked at the stranger. He was very tall and very strong and holding what appeared to be some sort of large white club with a spike through its top.

"This is a large white club with a spike through its top," said the stranger, "Since you punched me, I intend to hit you with it rather than hear your explanation".

The stranger then preceded to hit Allan with the club. Luckily the spike did not hit Allan, but the blunt force trauma hurt plenty.

The stranger walked on, and Allan, dazed, walked after him. Allan knew he was angry, but didn't know why. He decided that it would be best if he swatted the air. There might be a bug in it he could kill.

After swatting the air for some time, Allan remembered why he was mad. It was because his sister had blamed him for spilling the milk that, in reality, she had spilled. He wrote a note on his hand to get her back. He looked at his hand after scribbling the note, and saw that there was nothing there. He then realized he had no pen. He scribbled a note on his hand that he should get one.

In a complete trance, he saw someone coming towards him. He reached into his backpack and took out a hand-grenade for safety. After remembering he had no backpack and the government did not allow civilians to have hand-grenades, he turned back to the person walking towards him. He realized it was Teresa. Behind her was a pack of dogs, barking like mad. He then realized that, in fact, Teresa was running away from them.

For some reason he decided this would be a good time to give her a hug.