Ich! You're getting your faith all over me.
Anyway... I have this bug bite on my neck and it really itches.
Okay so the winner of the "Think Outside the Blog Contest" is several of you.
Jon gets first prize. Jon, your answer reflects the creativity that such a contest needs.
"...You can move around, so make money that way. Just replace talking with playing soccer and you will still get rich quick."
Truly a brilliant answer.
But it would be nothing without Jeff's catch. Jon's original answer said that you should talk, but Jeff responded:
"Yeah, that's nice...except it says in the rules 'You can't talk.'"
The usefulness of Jeff's comment coupled with the sarcasm involves slips him into second, just above Tim. Tim was really the only one with a real answer to the actual problem I would like to point out that from now on your answer will simply have to be "how do you make the situation better?". Tim's creativity is reflected in his answer:
"First, open the closet door. You can do this by clipping yourself onto the bottom of the door, pulling it open, and then use your friend, the caramel mocha latte, as a doorstop. Go through the closet, and find Christmas lights, or something similar. Take the lights, and then go outside through a dog/cat door. Plug the lights into an outside outlet (if you don't have any, just run some extension cord inside), and use them to spell the words, "Aliens: Land here! Come as you are." (Alternately, you can use a lawnmower to mow the message into your lawn. That is, if you can figure out a way to drive the mower.) With any luck, in an hour or two, an alien spaceship will have landed, and extraterrestrials will have emerged from it. Explain your situation to them (they have translators, so they understand you.) If they are nice aliens, they will let you use their humanizing ray to turn yourself into a human. (A humanizing ray is a device that aliens use to turn themselves human. As humans, they can sneak around on earth undetected, and observe our ways.) If they aren't nice aliens, and won't let you use the humanizing ray, use your binder-clip clamping abilities and clamp onto the aliens' toes. Most aliens find this to be extremely painful, and they will soon let you use the humanizing ray if you agree to stop clamping their toes. Now for your friend: If they are not a nice friend, and you like caramel mocha lattes, just drink them up. However, if they are a good friend, use the humanizing ray on them also. Congratulations! You have have just turned your friend back into a human."
This answer is also good because with almost everything that exists, Tim provides an explanation. The humanizing ray especially. Otherwise it would have seemed too convenient, but Tim's explanation for it was part of what earned him third.
And the honorable mention goes to Jen. Jen's answer reflects the laziness we need to see more of:
"I don't really care. Stay as a binder clip for all the rest of the world cares."
I added that for the lazy people who don't read the whole post.
TOtB (think outside the blog) puzzle of the week:
You and your friend are walking along the grand canyon, blissfully unaware that the local "Pumpin Chunkin'" festival is in town. It involves launching pumpkins from catapults. A pumpkin smashes next to you, and you look over to your right. A huge barrage of pumpkins are heading your way. You and your friend start sprinting, but it is too late. A pumpkin to the head sends him careening off the edge. You slip on the remains of the orange vegetable, and look up to see an unusually large one about to hit you.
How do you escape?