Thursday, July 01, 2010

Very Angry Commercials

1 - Int. Train Station - Day - 1

The ATTRACTIVE MAN looks across the track and sees the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN in the car opposite himself. It's not his train, but he's in love, and what can you do? He whips out his phone in a way that makes it very clear that all is not lost. He quickly hits the giant "change ticket" button, and then he's picked up his bags and he's off.

2 - Int. Train - Day - 1

Inside the train, the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN stares wistfully out the window whil ethe doors close with a whoosh. The ATTRACTIVE WOMAN turns to her purse in the seat next to her, but then, suddenly, at eye level: the bottom of a familiar green sweater!

ATTRACTIVE MAN
Is this seat taken?

3 - Ext. Train - Day - 3

Through the window: the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN moves her purse, the ATTRACTIVE MAN sits down next to her. The train rolls slowly out of the station.

4 - Int. Train - Day - 4

The ATTRACTIVE MAN and ATTRACTIVE WOMAN are having an attractive conversation.

ATTRACTIVE MAN (continued)
And that's when I found five dollars.

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN laughs hysterically. She wipes away tears.

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN
I've only known you for thirteen seconds, but I already feel very comfortable with you, as evidenced by my easy laugh.

ATTRACTIVE MAN
You will make our children delicious sandwiches. I will take out the garbage. You will give me knowing smiles as I leave for work in our attractive car.

The CONDUCTOR wanders over.

CONDUCTOR
Tickets, please.

The ATTRACTIVE WOMAN smiles and hands her ticket to the CONDUCTOR. The ATTRACTIVE MAN takes out his phone.

ATTRACTIVE MAN
I used my phone to change my ticket.

CONDUCTOR
What?

ATTRACTIVE MAN
I used the "change ticket" button. It was so big I felt like an above-the-shoulder camera shot could have seen it! Gosh.

CONDUCTOR
That's not- you need a physical ticket. Have you ever ridden a train before?

ATTRACTIVE MAN
Of course. Didn't you see my travel-worn duffel bag in the overhead bin?

CONDUCTOR
You need to have a ticket! What is wrong with you?

ATTRACTIVE MAN
I told you, I pressed the-

CONDUCTOR
We don't have a change ticket button. Last minute cancellations cost, like, seventy dollars, and you can't make them on the platform with your phone.

A beat.

CONDUCTOR
This is- massively- this is so inconvenient. Why would you do this to us? Why- forget it. I need you to get up.

Another beat.

CONDUCTOR
Dammit.

3 comments:

Ali said...

That commercial irritates me profusely. Thank you for this.

Anonymous said...

I thought this must take place in Europe until I read this:
"And that's when I found five dollars"
I liked this story.

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