Saturday, December 19, 2009

An Open Letter to Undergraduate Admissions Officers Everywhere

I founded an out-of-school ultimate Frisbee club that recently hosted two very successful tournaments (one of which raised nearly two hundred dollars to build wells in Africa), and I serve as a captain for the in-school club. I was historian for my marching band in tenth and eleventh grade, and now I’m vice-president. I was also a section leader during my junior and senior years. I’m in the Tri-M Music Honors Society, and, out of school, I organize and MC for group of student musicians that perform monthly at local nursing homes. I was recently promoted from JV to varsity on the Academic Competition team. I’ve been in Model UN for three years. I play club squash for the school and percussion in the pit orchestra during the musical (this year it’s “Into the Woods”). I regularly update a creative writing and photography blog ( and am currently working on a full-length screenplay tentatively titled "FOOTAGE". This summer I did daily clerical work for a family law firm a few minutes away from my house, and the summer before that I interned for a political campaign and taught piano at a homeless shelter. I sing in and accompany my school’s chorus (for which I received a Service and Leadership award in tenth grade), and I arrange music for the “Voice Males”, an all-male a capella group I perform with. I’m an active member in my school’s National Honors Society, I play chess every now and then, and I can operate most two-axel motor vehicles without terrible difficulty. On a good day, without much wind, I can pull an ultimate disc seventy yards or run a mile in eight minutes, but not at the same time (sorry). Last night I won a family game of Scrabble because my mom didn’t play her Z and so she lost ten points when I finished playing all of my tiles. Regrettably, I’ve never measured my vertical leap, but I’m told it’s probably not bad for someone of my height, which is five feet seven inches (in case you were wondering).


Anonymous said...


~ said...

I organize and MC for *a* group

Carissa said...

that is impressive
are you sending it anywhere?

Anonymous said...

Buddy, this Anonymous is IMPRESSED and even a bit beyond.

Harvard University said...

Dear Mr. Banana,
We are pleased to inform you that we would be honored to accept you as a student at Harvard College as part of the class of 2014! Please call our admissions office at 617-495-1551 for further details for the Susan Sontag Memorial Awesomeness Scholarship, for which we would strongly urge you to apply.

Yours Sincerely
William R. Fitzsimmons
Dean of Admissions&Financial Aid

Anonymous said...

For Your Consideration: The University of Zimbabwe would like to extend to you a full tenured professor position to teach at our most renowned organization.

We just need you to open a non-resident account through which your acceptance funds (tenure position seed money) will be channeled out to your nominated overseas account.

If our proposition is considered, for assisting us to transfer this money to your country, we will offer you $1 million US dollars of the total fund in return for your acceptance of this position, while our student body will like to invest in your country under your guidance and assistance.

Your urgent response will be highly appreciated.

Teresamac Pochta
University President
U Of Z
Zimbabwe - Nigeria

Anonymous said...

Harvard, ho hum, but the university of zimbabw[small u, small b] is quite an achievement. i would venture a guess that not very many zimbabweians attend such a hallowed, or hollew, ground.

Anonymous said...

Worthy of your consideration, anyway.

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