Monday, September 14, 2009

Ball Golf

1 - Day - Strip Mall Parking Lot

Summer, around noon. A Wednesday. In a strip mall parking lot, the film crew sets up. They pull their boom mic out of the back of a minivan. The camera is handheld and shaky. Muffled taps are heard as the microphone is set up.

DIRECTOR (V.O.)
Test, test. Are we good?

CAMERAMAN (V.O.)
Yeah, I hear you. Should I be recordin-

2 - Day - Int. Al's Burgers

Inside Al's Burgers, the director is setting up his shot. The viewer gets the idea that this was supposed to be cut. KEVIN stands by nervously observing. He wears a gray t-shirt with "Ball Golf" written in large letters and a picture of a golf ball rolling into the cup. As the crew sets up, the camera catches occasional glimpses of the restaurant - a mildly-lit burger joint.

DIRECTOR (V.O.)
I think we want the white in the background, right?

CAMERAMAN (V.O.)
Yeah that'll look good.

Quick cut to a few minutes later. The camera is no longer shaking now that it's been mounted on a tripod. KEVIN is seated in a chair in front of the camera. Behind him is an all white wall of the restaurant, with a small corner of a painting poking in.

KEVIN looks behind the camera to the DIRECTOR, who mumbles a question unintelligible to the microphone from offscreen. KEVIN answers.

KEVIN
(repeating the question) Where are we? We're at The Ball Golf Superstore!

Another muffled question from the DIRECTOR.

KEVIN
Well, yes, technically we're at Al's Burgers. But this location is also the site of the first ever ball golf superstore.

As KEVIN continues to answer the question in voice over, cut to the exterior of Al's Burgers. The restaurant is in a small strip mall. Zoom in on the Al's Sign. Next to it is a small handwritten sign on cardboard: "Ball Golf Superstore".

KEVIN
We sell everything you need to play ball golf. We sell, uh, the clubs, the balls, practice cups. Stuff like that.

DIRECTOR (off-screen, muffled)
The shirt?

KEVIN
What?

DIRECTOR (slightly louder)
Do you sell the shirts too?

KEVIN
(looking down at his shirt, laughing) Oh yeah. My girlfriend designed this for Ball Golf. It's um, it's really cool. We've sold like 30 already.

There is an awkward pause as KEVIN stares and smiles at the camera, then looks over at the DIRECTOR, then back at the camera.

Cut to black. Countdown sequence rolls, and then:

3 - Day - The Ball Golf Course

Wide shot of the ball golf course from the shaky, hand held camera. It is a warm, sunny day. The course is small, and there are numerous trees around. All those playing golf are dressed in basketball or cargo shirts and t-shirts. A few couples are out playing together, but one of these couples are throwing basketballs instead of hitting normal golfballs. A family is playing with tennis balls and hitting them with bats, swung golf style. KEVIN and some of the workers from Al's are playing with regular golf equipment.

The title pops up on the screen in white letters: "BALL GOLF".

It disappears.

Cut to a shot of KEVIN and his friends as they play. They each hold two clubs each: a wedge and a putter. None of the equipment looks to be particularly high-end. MATT, one of KEVIN's friends, hits his ball with his iron. It goes about 30 yards before landing near a hole. The guys cheer.

4 - Day - Golf Course, MATT's Interview

As MATT is being interviewed, KEVIN and his friends continue playing ball golf in the background. On screen, MATT's name fades up, with "Ball Golf Enthusiast" under it. MATT is responding to a question that has already been asked.

MATT
The concept of ball golf is just like regular golf, except instead of throwing a disc into the cage, you're trying to get this ball (holding a golf ball up) into one of those little holes you see around the course.

DIRECTOR
And how do the sticks work?

MATT
Well the sticks are really called "clubs" by us ballthusiasts (he chuckles nervously at his joke). When ball golf was starting out, clubs weren't being used. We just, like, we threw the balls as far as we could. But the founders realized that they were being limited by the idea of throwing, so they changed throwing the ball to hitting the ball with the club. And just how in normal golf you have your drivers and your irons and your putters, we have our different clubs for different shots.

DIRECTOR
So what are the major differences?

MATT continues in voice-over, with footage from other sources playing over top.

MATT (V.O.)
Well, you've seen a golf tournament. Everyone's so dressed up, and the players are all so preppy and professional.

First, we see a professional golf tournament. Caddies carry a backpack full of many discs of various sizes just as a caddy would carry a golf club bag. The tournament takes place on a golf course - long, well-mowed fairways, greens, sand traps, etc. There are many spectators, and everyone is dressed up. In the corner of the screen, there is a disclaimer: "Footage Courtesy of PGA".

MATT (without having paused, V.O.)
It's the only sport with a dress code! With ball golf, you don't need to belong to some fancy country club to play, and you don't need lots of money or stuff like that. They carry like 14 discs or something. The pros with us use, like, three clubs. But you don't need them. You can just play with basketballs or baseballs or whatever you want and just land them on top of the hole. I know when I started my friend and I played with ping pong balls. We got like 30s on all the holes.

On screen: A still photo of a YOUNGER MATT and his FRIEND. MATT is hitting a ping pong ball as far as he can in a field outside.

5 - Day - Ball Golf Course

Cut back to the ball golf course, where the young couple playing with basketballs is seen playing a hole. They are laughing and enjoying themselves.

6 - Day - Ball Golf Course, COUPLE's Interview

The COUPLE is being interviewed - JACK and ELLIE. Their names pop up on the screen without titles.

JACK
Well, I just heard from a friend it was an inexpensive dating idea. Ellie and I came out for the first time a few months ago.

ELLIE
Yeah, it's super fun, and, like, totally cheap. With regular golf you need all those discs and everything, but with this we just throw the basketballs.

DIRECTOR (off-screen, muffled)
What's your best score?

ELLIE (looking to JACK)
Well...

JACK (simultaneously)
Well, it's tricky with just throwing, but I once almost broke 100 for these nine holes.

7 - Day - Ext. Al's Burgers

Establishing shot of Al's. A car drives by.

8 - Day - Int. Al's Burgers

KEVIN's interview.

KEVIN
I think the future's pretty bright for Ball Golf. The PBGA is saying we've got-

The DIRECTOR gives a muffled interruption.

KEVIN
What?

The DIRECTOR says something.

KEVIN
Oh that's "Professional Ball Golf Association". Anyway they're reporting something like two hundred and fifty courses in the United States currently, and with the economy the way it is I'm thinking people are going to be looking for cheaper sports. Golf is just too expensive for most people. We may see five hundred ball golf courses in two years!

DIRECTORS (off-screen, muffled)
Any last words to our audience?

KEVIN
(thinking) Well, sure. I mean, yeah. I just want to tell everyone out there that ball golf is seriously growing, and it's such a fun-

AL (yelling from off-screen)
Kevin, you're in the way of customers.

KEVIN
Oh, sorry.

KEVIN stands up and tries to keep talking. The camera gets picked up as well, and it is suddenly back to shaky and awkward. A CUSTOMER walks in front of the camera to order a burger across the counter. The DIRECTOR tries to get him to move, but the CUSTOMER is confused. Someone in the back yells "ORDER UP", and ANOTHER CUSTOMER moves to get his order. The camera turns away from the protesting KEVIN, and then cut to black.

Credits Roll.

End.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

this was so great and quite clever as well I also like the use of the name kevin

and I would like to note that at public course you don't have to be in golf attire all the time

Anonymous said...

oh my g-d!!!!!

related to at least one anonymous said...

What's next? A world where everyone's a redhead and brunettes are called potato-tops?

Thank goodness you are back at work! I know you have classes, clubs, band etc, but please -- the blog is a priority!

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