Monday, September 22, 2008

Xtra Dead 4: Death Kills

The scene: a ritzy hotel bar, 11:30 PM. In the background, a cocktail party rages mercilessly. Light jazz plays. Martini glasses clink gently.

In the foreground, MATTHEW MANN sips whisky. He is dressed in a sharp tuxedo, his hair slicked back. His toned muscles are hidden by the black jacket, but he is clearly a fit man. He looks at ease.

HOT WOMAN approaches MATTHEW. She sits down next to him.

HOT WOMAN (to MATTHEW)
Nice watch.

MATTHEW
I'm not wearing a watch.

HOT WOMAN (coyly)
I know.

She orders a drink, and then spins around on her stool, facing the party. Her elbows rest on the bar, but she still talks to MATTHEW.

HOT WOMAN
So, how do you know the president's daughter and the most famous basketball player of all time?

MATTHEW
Friend of a friend. I was lucky to get invited to the wedding. This reception certainly is beautiful.

HOT WOMAN (eyeing him)
That's a nice tux. What is it, Brioni, 1939?

MATTHEW
Uh, no.

HOT WOMAN
Oh, well. Whatever it is, it must have cost a fortune.

MATTHEW
I'm very good at what I do.

HOT WOMAN (turning towards MATTHEW)
Oh yeah? And what exactly do you do?

MATTHEW (also coyly)
Oh, nothing.

Suddenly, orchestra hits play. In a black and white flashback, MATTHEW is in a hut somewhere in the jungle, wearing a dirty tank top and cargo shorts. He holds an AK-47, and he hits a man with the butt of the gun, violently.

Back in the hotel.

HOT WOMAN (confused)
Wait, you're very good at doing... nothing?

MATTHEW
Er, yes.

In the jungle again, MATTHEW hits the MAN two more times. Orchestra hits continue playing.

Back in the hotel. The background music has faded, leaving a few clarinets trilling. Tension mounts.

HOT WOMAN (still confused)
Wait, are you employed?

MATTHEW
Ah...

In the jungle, MATTHEW is walking out of the hut, holding a cigar. His arm is bloody. He stops for a second, lights up the cigar, and throws away the match. He inhales deeply, relishing the smoke.

He takes out a stick of dynamite, lights it with the cigar, and throws it behind his back. He exits.

The background explodes. Then: another explosion, this time bigger, in slow motion.

A brief pause, then six more explosions.

Back at the party:

MATTHEW
Not unemployed per say...

The HOT WOMAN looks at him.

HOT WOMAN (seductively)
Oh?

MATTHEW
As much as I'd like to continue this conversation, I actually have something to do.

HOT WOMAN (confused, hurt)
What?

MATTHEW gets up from the bar and wades into the crowd. Suddenly, a gunshot rings out from the center of the room. Everyone throws themselves flat except for MATTHEW, the PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER (wearing white), and a MASKED MAN holding a gun in the air and grabbing the PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER.

MATTHEW is unperturbed. He walks determinedly towards the MASKED MAN, who is facing the other way, yelling something in Russian.

MATTHEW grabs the gun from him. He spins around, MATTHEW punches him in the face. The MASKED MAN falls.

The PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER looks confused. MATTHEW takes the opportunity to kiss her once, passionately. The MOST FAMOUS BASKETBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME stands up.

MOST FAMOUS BASKETBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME
Hey, that's my wife!

He takes a swing at MATTHEW, who ducks. The MOST FAMOUS BASKETBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME hits his new wife, the PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER. As the MOST FAMOUS BASKETBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME crouches down to apologize, MATTHEW stands up, straightens his tie, and begins to walk from the room. As he does, he takes out a cigar, lighting up. He inhales deeply and takes out a stick of dynamite.

MATTHEW is walking from the hotel. Behind him, it explodes. He is too cool to notice.

ON SCREEN, as Matthew exits:

XTRA DEAD 4: DEATH KILLS
COMING SOON

The hotel blows up again.

Cut to black.

The end.

12 comments:

Frances said...

that seemed really intensely.

but i honestly did not get it at all. xP

Frances said...

and by intensely, I meant intense.
-_-

Jedi_Raptor07 said...

So it's a trailer for a generic non-realistic action movie?

Regardless, it's pretty good. I especially like the guy's name. Matthew Mann. Classic.

Lighting a stick of dynamite with a cigar. Again, classic. I can picture Hannibal Smith from The A-Team doing just that.

Jeff said...

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!



ibrzbxum

Anonymous said...

i'm shocked no one commented on sam's face in the picture

Reducto said...

It seems like a combination of Quantum of Solace and the Dark Knight. :P

And yes, Sam is a Ho.

ello said...

That was especial. Teeeeehee it blew up.

Don't be creepy! said...

That picture does NOT look like Sam at all! The face is rather amusing though. :P

Jon said...

what...the hell?? *rolls eyes*
sam you have ummm how do i put this, an absurd imagination, and i expect to be in the movie somewhere

joe said...

I'd have thought he was hitting people gently with the butt o the AK-47...

charlotte said...

big pimpin'samuel. I love this picture.

Jedi_Raptor07 said...

Joe,

You only his people gently with the stock of an M16, lest you accidentally shatter the overly-fragile plastic stock. Then you lose the buffer spring & firing pin. AK47's is solid wood w/ a metal buttplate, so you can really wail on someone with it. Yes I know too much about guns.

Sam, after my OT test, I might be tempted to write my own trailer. We'll see.