I Have Attractive Friends VI

It was cold on the day that they discovered that everyone on earth had a parasite living in his head.

The "Disdain the Brain Campaign" followed shortly after that, and, with only a mild amount of resistance from so-called "scientists" , the government educated the public on the horrors of the parasite that was human brain.

"Imagine," said one politician, "the physical feats we could accomplish without this huge mass of useless grey spaghetti sucking all of our blood!"

Many went further than that. The brain, it turned out, had long controlled the thoughts and actions of mankind, acting as an overlord to the entire human body. The deadly act of "thinking" often led to violence, hate, and the questioning of those in charge.

People were outraged. The public demanded to know how this obviously dangerous presence could have existed in our body without being discovered.

Luckily, the government was quick to act. It flooded the media with literally mind-numbing songs and discouraged news outlets from providing any sort of useful news. "If we don't feed it," many reasoned, "it will die."

As the election grew near, the anti-intellectualist party announced that its candidate would be receiving a frontal lobotomy, "at least," the candidate announced to a screaming croud, "until we can figure out a way to get the blasted thing out of the back of my head too."

Soon lobotomies became commonplace. Those who had the operation gained popularity; the fact that they lacked the mental capacity to realize it just made them more appealing. Those who had attended what were previously thought to be "top" colleges went to reeducation classes to understand the mistakes they had made, and to seek comfort. “It is not your fault,” they were told. “Your body is just more susceptible to the parasite than others.”

By the end, humanity was truly free of its life-long captors.

People don't say much anymore, but it's kind of a nice change.