Sunday, July 23, 2006


Forgot yesterday. I'm officially moving it to Sunday 'cause I always forget.

There was no real winner this week; it was very very close. So I'm going to write the contest again.


All of the following people are vying for first:


"Take out your old halloween costume from last year, which just happens to be a ghost costume. Put it on, (the large ghost costume will fit perfectly over the vase) and on your way out grab a bottle of liquid soap. Run out of the house screaming and hope that the people bombing your house will either be afraid or not notice you. Once you are long gone, use the soap as a lubricant to slip the vase off."


"Shatter the vase and get the hell out of there! You can collect the insurance money because it will simply be assumed the vase was destroyed in the bombing. Also, carrying said delicate vase would've slowed you down so you would've died too and not be able to care about the stupid vase anyhow. Heck, claim there was a smaller priceless Ming vase inside it while you're at it!

You should probably get to a bomb shelter or equally stable shelter."


"Depending on how your life is going, why leave and not just get bombed?? What if that is a plus in your life? That or shatter the vase on a wall and worry about the cuts later as you run."

Here is my problem: none of you focused on both things in great detail. Jen was the closest, since she solved both problems to a certain degree, and used the word "lubricant" in her answer. Heh heh. So anyway, I'm awarding a kind of first to her this week. I'm not sure liquid soap would be good for that, I think Ali's answer of margarine is probably better.

Next is a tie between Leah and Jon. Leah's answer reflected a good way to get the vase off and to not lose from it by cheating the insurance company, and Jon questions my contest, being extremely cynical.

But neither person really answers the question of how to escape the bombing to the detail we're looking for. I mean, I'm not looking for much detail, but come on!

"You should probably get to a bomb shelter or equally stable shelter"? My house doesn't have a bomb shelter, I don't know about yours.

Okay so here's the problem this week:

You're reading your summer reading (oh shoot. I need to do that) book extremely late (8:00 the night before school starts), when suddenly all of the letters in the book rearrange themselves to form expletives and insults about your mother.

What's going on here?
How do you solve the problem?

Good luck.


Angie said...

go to barnes and noble and buy another copy- they close at 10 and would probably have a copy by the last day of summer reading. as for transportation: show your mother the book and tell her it's a trick book from barnes and noble. then she would want to go and complain to B and N, so you go and buy the book while she's not looking. DUH!!

Ali said...

pitch the book after doing what i always do-blaming your little brother. then go on and get the notes. read the actual book nonstop over the next two days, cuz we don't have a test til day 3.

Jen said...

*does victory dance*

I don't know about accelerated, but honors has a test on the 2nd day, not the third. o.O

But assuming that you mean the day before the test, not the day before orientation day, here's my answer:

Take the book with you to school on the day of the exam. When the teacher asks to speak with you about how you flunked it, show him the book with the insults in it and claim that you read it thouroughly twice, yet you did not find any similarities between that and the test questions. When he moves you down to academic, sue barns and noble, become rich, and you won't have to worry about going to college! ;D

Jon said...

Laugh and make a profit out of it, if it stays like that. If it is only like that because you are tired and delirious (okay i spelled that so incorrectly) then one, maybe get sleep, two maybe get your eyes checked, or three, do what i do, don't bother reading it. Your peers will have read it and just ask them online, or at school about it, and also yes use sparknotes (credit to ali). And for you all, i think, you will be freshman so it doesn't matter, for me, i will be a senior, and it still doesn't matter, nor do i really care. HOORAY FOR LACK OF CARING ABOUT SCHOOL!!!

Jeff said...

Yell insulting comments about the author of said book (the book's mother) and have a very large arguement about kosher laws while eating a cheeseburger. Continue insulting the book's author until the book yells something akin to "Why do you torment me so?" Respond with the ever infamous saying "What's up, Doc?", immitating to your best effort Bugs Bunny. Be sure to be eating a carrot. This should drive the book up a wall and eventually it will turn all the words back into the actual book you were reading. Then continue to read until you've finished the book. After your test, yell insulting comments at the book, which you have found has somehow made its way into your fireplace to be used as fuel.

Leah said...

About my secondish placing: Yay! I got on the list! Go insurance fraud! Wait, that sentence now seems a very bad idea to post on the web. Oh well, yay, premonition!
My entry:
Gah, it's Mr. Mxyzptlk (had to copy-paste that one), my sworn enemy! He's messing with my chances at a hight GPA! I find him, (I don't know, call out insults about his mother and hope my family doesn't think I'm crazy.) then challenge him to a wet tee-shirt contest. Loser has to do whatever the winner says. So, I buy a pair of fake PamAnds (copyright not really) and win the contest. I make him read his name in a mirror. He goes back to his own dimension, and my book is back to normal.

Angie said...

oh, well, now i feel rather dull and un-creative. i'll try harder next time to not take it so seriously.

Ali said...

i'm in honors
so i must have gotten that wrong
but w/e