Monday, July 19, 2010

With Apologies to Daniel Handler

For example, you could break the ice by purchasing a hammer and then using it on the lake down the street, or you could break the ice by telling that nice-looking night-shift cashier at the hardware store about your passion for swimming in the very cold water in the dark, or you could break the ice by purchasing a hammer and then asking if the cashier wants to come down to the lake with you to go swimming, and there may be situations in which the ice is broken and the ice isn't broken, like if there are big cracks in the surface of the lake but if the thought of the two of you floating naked in the freezing water makes everyone a little uncomfortable, or if the hammer turns out to be too small but she is laughing at your jokes, and if you're really into breaking the ice you could try breaking the ice with the ice, by making jokes about ice or by picking up a big chunk of ice and throwing it at the ice or even by talking to the ice as if to make pleasant conversation, in which case you could break the ice with the ice with the ice, perhaps by asking the ice what it is like to be ice, and though I would not recommend breaking the ice with the ice by breaking the ice with the ice, you could still try it, it might be nice.